JARVIS, call Niantic
by Someone aka Me
Summary: Tony's Pokemon Go account gets suspended because the algorithms don't account for Iron Man's speed of flight. Tony is pissed. Bruce is… mostly amused. Shameless fluffy crack!fic.


Romance Awareness: Day 25 - You can sense when your soulmate is in distress. / You can feel a tug wherever your soulmate is - it can be automatic or when they are in distress

Auction: Setting: New York. 65 coins

Word Count: 634

I blame Bex. I proposed the concept of Tony playing PoGo and she would not let it go. So. Here we are.

Ignore any issues with RL timeline (PoGo) vs Marvel timeline because honestly this is just pointless crack!fic. Have fun.

* * *

Bruce isn't greatly alarmed when he feels the spike of distress from Tony.

Tony is off doing… well, frankly, Bruce isn't completely sure. He'd just said "Iron Man thing, California" and bolted to the lab.

Bruce is, honestly, impressed that he got that much information. Tony's communication skills are improving.

So the spike of distress isn't much to worry about, because Iron Man things tend to be a bit stressful.

But this isn't a transient distress. It grows. And it grows.

"JARVIS?" Bruce eventually says, looking up from the tablet he's been fiddling with some data sets on. "Is Tony okay?"

"Sir appears to be in good health, Dr. Banner."

Well that's… odd.

"Call Tony, JARVIS."

"Calling."

The phone rings. And rings. And then goes straight to, "You know who I am. Leave a message. Or don't. Whatever."

"Hang up," Bruce tells JARVIS. He sets down the tablet, concerned. Tony doesn't usually reject his calls if he's not in the middle of something urgent.

"JARVIS, pull up the camera in the HUD."

Tony's face pops up on the tablet Bruce just set down. His face is a cross between crushed and furious, but JARVIS wasn't wrong about his health. He looks fine, but he's cursing a blue streak.

"Fucking fuckers and their goddamn shitty algorithms. For fucks sake. You can't fucking lock a man out of his account without a trial. This is AMERICA. JARVIS, call Niantic."

"Oh my god," Bruce says. Because, yeah, he knows that name. That's the Pokemon Go company.

Tony is _this distressed_ over _Pokemon_.

"JARVIS, force my call through, please," Bruce says kindly.

JARVIS does, because JARVIS has more respect for Bruce than he ever has for Tony. According to Tony, this is because JARVIS is a little shit. According to Bruce, this is because he's a functional adult who knows how to take care of himself and Tony isn't.

Either way, Tony _hates it_ , so Bruce tries not to abuse the privilege.

"Tony?" Bruce says.

Tony pauses in his swearing. "Uh. Yes?"

"Did you just decline my call to vent about Pokemon?"

"Uh. Technically, yes?"

Bruce sighs. "Why?"

"Because! The fuckers have an algorithm to figure the speed a normal human can travel, and they fucking _locked me out of my account for GPS hacking_. It's not my fucking fault their algorithms _don't account for Iron Man_."

Bruce's soulmate is a child.

An actual child.

"I'm calling them. They'd better fucking put my account back, Bruce, I swear to god. I am not going through this again, there are _too many continents_ and I _don't want to_. I had the full gen one pokedex, Brucie!"

 _Actual. Child_.

"Tony, we've talked about this. What have I said about calling customer service while you're angry?"

"Uh. Don't?"

"And why not?"

"Because it's not the poor service workers' fault that the game has shitty algorithms and they don't deserve to be yelled at?"

"Exactly. Are you done with your Iron Man thing?"

Bruce is guessing he's done, since Tony _usually_ refrains from pulling out Pokemon before anything _actually important_ , but… well. It's safer to ask.

"Yeah, yeah, it wasn't even a thing, just an asshole."

"Then how about you come home, and I'll help you find the number of someone you actually want to vent at?"

Tony huffs. In the HUD camera, Bruce can tell he's not pleased at being forced to listen to reason.

"But Bruuuuuuuuce."

"Tony."

Tony huffs again.

"Fine. I hate you."

"Love you, too, Tony."

"You're the worst."

"Yup."

"…I'll be home in under two hours."

"I'll see you then," Bruce says, and hangs up. From the HUD, he can see Tony sulk, but then, true to his words, he turns the suit around and heads back to New York.

So yeah, he's a child. But Bruce loves him anyway.


End file.
